回禮

禮尚往來is one of the most basic culture among the Chinese. I bought 4 mooncakes. 2 for chi's family and 2 more for chin's. I got an Angpau from chi's daddy in return.

I am sorry but i wanted to talk more about chin here. Buying mooncake is my way of saying Thank You for the hamper Chin's mom bought me during Chinese New Year. Although I did not receive the hamper due to some reason. I still think that i owe her a Thank You.

So I went to her restaurant today. I was so nervous and kan jiong because it's been a year since i last meet his parents. Okay, I walk to the front and call auntie, she couldn't recognize me at first, but after a second or two she remember. I told her that I past by Kepong so i bring these mooncake for her. She asked me whether i gain fats me because i look chubbier than last time. The whole conversation lasted for 2 minutes, or even lesser. My heart pump really fast as if i am having a presentation. So awkward and so weird. I doubt that i have made a wrong decision to buy her mooncake. I don't know, I feel that i am not welcomed by his dad. Maybe i should be disappear for few years so they will forget about my existence. Whatever, I have done what i think i need to do.

Ychin send me a text message to express his thank. As usual I have so much to say, but there is too much i reply him: ' Your mom is very efficient. Welcome.' instead. Mixed feelings. It is strange to have a friend, or an ex, whom you were so close to in the past, but you can't even talk more than 2 minutes now.

Well i am not trying to be moody or emo, i just want to record this down so i don't forget how miserable it feels to have an ex. LOL.

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This fucking Singapore trip is indeed a nightmare to me. I feel like being left out although i know my friends are trying to give me some sweet time to spend with chi. Mixed felling, i wanted to be with all of them. Knowing that it is impossible but i am trying my best to make sure my friendship and love is balanced. I don't know what to do to fix this problem. My heart wants to be with pdf, to be really honest i want to be with them. I hate the feeling when i need to ask what they were talking about again and again. But i can't just leave chi alone. I asked him to look for his friend and join them but he refuse to. What's worst is that i didn't know his leg is injured. This makes him extremely unbalanced and sad because his gf isn't caring enough. He finally explain to me the reason behind his unusual act during the trip after we finished clearing up our luggage. Normally i will try to explain so that we understand how each other feel. But i reply okay and tell him it's my bad and i will try to change instead. I do not want to hurt you and please understand me more. Don't say that i don't or i didn't try to understand you when you don't understand me too.

and what really hurts is the misunderstanding between people.
Chi tell me there is a samsung earphone on our seats out of no where when we leave the bus. I keep it but i didn't know who it belongs to. At the end of the day i know that's my friend's earphone. But due to the fucking misunderstanding and i get some cool shit reply. Knowing that i am too sensitive but i seriously can't take it. Because i always try my best to please everyone. At least i try not to be the reason behind the anger. But things don't always turn out to be what you want/ expect. I seriously sick of the feeling seeing people around me getting mad cause of my stupidity. Because that really hurts.

Too many things happened in this 3 days. I apologize to people around me for bring rude when i was mad. But too much to learn, esp to control my EQ. and too much to not care, i'm learning tho.