.jpg)
If you think that i'm over reacting, i hope that this will be the last time i over react. Just can't stop my tears when I know how much you hate me now. So I ask myself. Did i do anything wrongly to trigger your anger again. And when i start to reminisce, i think of something I hate about myself: forgetful.
Sometimes i wonder, am i really that forgetful? or i never really pay effort remembering what other people said. The more i think the more i hate myself. Well i'm not asking for sympathy**
Another thing, Appreciation, something i always hoping from others but did i ever show my appreciation to people around me? I swear, in my heart, I did, Perhaps I never show it in action, and that's why people around me always think that i never appreciate what they did for me. Just like you never think that i appreciate you, NEVER, no matter what i did, or tell you, you think, assume and insist that i never, like i never do anything, contribute or tolerate in this relationship. Leave it la, everything is too late now.
To be honest i used to think that i'm the lucky one, super duper lucky, (i always tell that to my friend), and deep down in my heart i always think that way. A very lucky person in this world, to always have people supporting, motivating, inspiring me, to always have people guiding me in my study career, remind me of the submission and due dates, priceless companionship from my buddies, etc. Most importantly a person to love me, when i am really a weirdo and selfish person. And because of my personality, i guess, these good things that make me fell lucky slowly slip by, i let them slip by.
But i never want a relationship to end up like this,with hatred. I have no choice when you decided to give up in this friendship, (maybe you are trying to revenge, cause i decided to give up in the relationship earlier). You decided to hate me, you WANT to hate me. You hate your ex, no matter who requested to end the relationship, you just hate it, Am i right? This is because to you, they have bitchy behavior, am i right? So you scold us BITCH, so you ask me to F*ck off. I don't know what you tell others when they ask you about this. I do not know what version you told them. You told me you wouldn't backstab me, but now i doubt that. I am sorry to say this, no offense.
You hate it when things don't turn out well, you hate it when people didn't pay enough attention on you, you hate it when people disagree with you, you hate everything that go against you. Then you will make assumption on things you see, and once you decided to think that way, no one can ever change it. You push me far away when i try to approach you. I was so happy that you replied me in whatsapp during cny when i wish you. I hope that we can continue chatting and i start joking, i told you that i dyed my hair, you summore reply this to me: mei mei liao. Word can't tell how happy i feel, so relieved. Who knows, everything goes wrong after that, you tell me that you have changed, and ask me to keep the distance like this. At that moment i have so much to question, but you never want to answer any of it. So i will just accept that, 'okay', i replied, and that's the end of our conversation.
So if you think that i'm having a happy life after all, i can tell you that i am not. To believe or not doesn't matter much now, because to you i'm a liar. And to you this whole post is a lie, isn't it?
What hurts me the most is when you tell me that you will feel good to see me suffering. So I bet if you know how bad i feel now, you will be happy.
I still hope that time will heal the wounds, and one day we could talk like a friend. I sincerely hope that this could happen one day, although i know it is almost impossible.
